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Hey everyone, I thought it would be interesting to come back to LJ for a one entry extravaganza. lol Go me!
Here is an update on my life.
I am currently on the up and down ride called my second semester in college at DYC (soon to be DYU). Last night, I played in my first baseball practice in 4 years, maybe my last too. (at least for this year) I want to play in the future, but this year there is too much stuff going on.
My madden drought ends today with a 38-31 victory over Adam. I had lost 6 games in a row before hand and desperately needed a win to boost my self esteem, lol, jk. It's a game...yeah...a game. Gabrielle: your last win in foosball was a fluke. Mark my words, there will be revenge. No brothers involved!
My parents bought property in Longmont, Colorado. They will be moving out west most likely on February 27-28. Can you believe it? Less than 2 months ago I had no idea that we were even moving. lol. That is life in a nutshell. The good news for a lot of locals is that I will be in New Hampshire a week from today. I am bringing my dearest Gabrielle up with me, so if you want to meet up at any point that day, please let me know ASAP. This will be the last time I get to NH in a long time, so please take advantage of this.
So here is the situation with Gabrielle. The truth is, I just don't know. That isn't such a bad thing either. I love her, she knows it. The good thing about that is I know she loves me back. Although I am not to fond of the situation we are in, I would rather have this than nothing at all. To have the oppurtunity to see Gabrielle this coming week is definitely more than I could ask for. I don't know what the future will bring, but I want to make it evident that I have learned from my SEVERAL mistakes I made in the relationship with Krista. I will gladly be patient, not nag everyday, and just have hope there can be a realistic future with Gabby. She is very special to me and I will never ever let that go. Yes I hope there is a relationship in sight, but if I have to, I WILL wait until she is ready, and when she is, all the better...:)
And for the people wondering about how I have handled the breakup/exchange of words/silence with Krista:
I am doing really good. I still have a bad flashback once a week or so and it shakes me up, but they last like one minute and then I am back to normal. I think silence was the best route and it was never taken, and what happened because of it was very immature on both sides. The silence now is good, I am sure both of us hate eachother, lol, but I do hope she is happy now. Both of us have probably learned from the relationship we had, and with that, there are no regrets for what happened. Shit happens in life, don't look back and regret it, it's in the past, it's over.
I am definitely in peace with myself.
For all of my new friends at DYC: Adam, Jess, Julie, Steph, Lynette, Sarah, Erin, Kim, Marty, and anyone else I did not name because I am on a computer that is not my own right now....lol...thank you for an amazing time since my arrival here in Buffalo. Without you guys, I would be really struggling. I love you all.
For Jess K, thank you for the chocolate vagina pop. There are certainly puns galore I have to deal with. Cute though.
For Gabrielle, Kayla, and Ari: You three are flat out amazing. Obviously Gabrielle I have specific feelings for...lol ;) but Ari and Kayla: you guys are amazing friends and I can't wait to see you. You know how to have fun with Gabrielle and you three are really close, I love seeing that. BTW, that valentine's day card was amazing. There is no baseball in February, I have no problem with that. lol hehe
Thanks for reading!
5 days until New England trip!!Current Mood:  giggly |
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Nov. 28th, 2005 @ 12:55 pm
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It's the dawning of a new era. I am switching over from LJ to myspace now, my username is drdave2k11 and go and check it out. I hope the last 10 months on LJ was fun for you, cuz it was for me, but it is time to move on to something new, and I hate ranting about my personal life as much as I have been. Goodbye, LJ, goodbye... |
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Nov. 27th, 2005 @ 04:44 pm
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I know, it's been a while since I updated, but it will be even longer until my next one. I have decided to back away from Livejournal for the next month or so, just so everything can get back on the right personal track. |
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WTF man. Snow? Not your normal Thanksgiving procedure to shovel in NH.
WHY!!!!!
Happy Thanksgiving everyone. I can't believe I escaped snow in Buffalo only to get snow here. Who would have thunken.
The dance last night was nothing short of awesome. Too many damn freshman though. I saw Gabrielle, and that was sweet. She is an awesome dancer too, really awesome. Problem is I am a white jew and can't dance for my life. She understands though! lol. It was a great night, I met some of her friends and saw some USY friends that I hadn't seen for a while. It was great though, and now all thoughts move towards Saturday night! I am so excited about it. Hopefully Friday I can see Michele, cuz I would cry if I didn't get to! What I have realized so far is that most people have not been able to recognize me from my goatee. I do look older, and in pictures, very much so and sketchy too. Oh well, maybe I'll shave it off at the end of the break. It was a good experiment, but I kind of miss being clear of facial hair!
Again, Happy Thanksgiving, hope your Turkey is awesome, otherwise that would suck. Sucking is bad! |
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Nov. 23rd, 2005 @ 03:32 pm
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So, I got to see Peter, Tom, Arianne, and Amy so far! Great times so far this break. I did have to drive past Krista's street and it was a little odd. I am really looking forward to this dance. Gabrielle and I have connected so much over the past week that it is going to be really awesome to see her. Not only tonight but Saturday night. I also really hope I can see Michele on Friday, those two I have to see this break! I miss you Adam, Jess, and the other DYC gang, I will be back!
Tomorrow is Turkey (and brisket, meatballs, potatoes, etc...)
Anyone else interested in meeting for a few minutes? Let me know!Current Mood:  excited |
| » There's No Place Like Home |
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I am so glad to be here! I got into Hudson around 8 PM last night, and it was a fairly easy trip. I just got back from picking up my Grandma and Grandpa from the airport, and I was really excited to see them. My brother should be coming into town late afternoon too, so even better. I am so excited about tomorrow's USY dance, I'll get to see Gabrielle and some of the other USYers for the first time in a long time! Oh, Jon, thanks for keeping me company from Albany to Hudson, great talks too. I am even more excited about Saturday night, cuz I'll be in Swampscott! Should be fun, hehe. lol
I'm in no pain, I'm not feeling down.
Very pleased man right now.
Nov. 22nd, 2005 @ 11:12 am
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| » This is what I wanted to see |
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Now I am really happy!
Krista, thank you so much for that e-mail. I am so glad it is mutual. And I take that back, it is not your fault. I came to the conclusion that all the worrying I did showed me that I just wasn't ready for this. I am not ready for that step. We both weren't ready. Things happen for a reason, and we went our seperate ways for a reason. As much as I am happy for the move I made, you know, from the sound of it, you sound happy I made it too. I am glad we can move on and forward with our lives, eventually as friends.
Wow, this whole move thing really did turn out for the best. Single time, baby!
Nov. 21st, 2005 @ 12:22 am
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| » OK Now |
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Well, I am heading home on Monday, not tuesday. There are snowstorms that are going to cover NY state on Tuesday and Wednesday, and I didn't want any part of that, so I am coming home Monday. For some that might mean tomorrow, for some, today. lol. I really can't wait to be back home. I miss my family, I can't wait to see my relatives. Will it hurt to be home? Probably for a little bit, but I think from the way I have handled everything so far, I am going to be ok. I am quite suprised with how I have handled myself.
Knowing how I felt all day today, I know I made the right choice. I'm not saying I was amazing today, but I definitely felt better. I know it was so close to Tuesday, to get to see Krista, but I just couldn't wait any longer. I really don't think it would have done either of us any good. I just wasn't happy where I was anymore. I don't know if she realizes it now, but in the end, she will see that this decision is the best for the both of us. I want her to be happy too. Like I said, this decision is truly for the both of us. We, in the end, are two different people heading in different directions. I was feeling those changes too. Thank you to Jess, Mike, Michele, Gabrielle, Adam, Julie, Steph, Arianne, Sarah, Princess Angele, Ryan, and my brother Lee for helping me realize this.
Now, Thanksgiving Plans
Monday: Trip
Tuesday: BUY NEW SHOES!, welcome in grandma and grandpa
Wednesday: Shopping, haircut, USY Turkey Dance!!!
Thursday: Thanksgiving! 15 people will fill my home! and a dog!
Friday: I might even offer myself to a two hour shift on Black Friday at McDonald's, possibly Harry Potter with Michele and Jess/Jess's Mom
Saturday: Down to Swampscott, spending the night!
Sunday: Trip
Nov. 20th, 2005 @ 11:15 pm
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| » Bet You Didn't See This Coming |
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I threw in the flag. I am proud of myself for once.
Yesterday and Today were total shit days, and I was emotionally in another world. I was overstressed, overtired, and worried. I worried too much every time I talked to her, and each conversation got worse and worse inside. This morning our talk was so bad I almost broke my fridge from kicking it after I hung up the phone. I really just wanted to be happy again. Sure I missed her, sure I wanted to see her, I was hanging on 'till Tuesday "so I could be back in her arms." It hit me today that it wouldn't be the same. I just didn't feel right on the phone anymore, I just didn't feel like the love was there. I was suffering. She was out sleeping over a guy's appartment wishing she could have sex when I was having a nervous breakdown. To go with that, she was drinking. This was killing me inside. Why did I have to worry so much?
I am sorry Krista, but you have not handled situations the way they are supposed to be handled. When you can't say I miss you after I do, there is a problem. When I can't get a few minutes to talk to you alone, there is a problem. You screwed up. It's over.
You and I both need to be happy, and the only way we can be happy is by not being together. We have lives to live, you and I both wanna have fun, it shouldn't be limited.
Enjoy the friends you have, I know I will. Don't ever forget us and the times we had, I know I won't.
I did enjoy dating Krista, and I have no regrets. But, it's time to move on.
Everyone was right, they all saw it coming. I could feel it coming. I had to stop it before it got worse, I had to make a stand.
I think, no, I know this is the right decision. Time to be happy again.
Nov. 19th, 2005 @ 10:58 pm
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| » Prizes |
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OK...
For those who replied:
Krista: You will now get an extra hug and a little special something when I get home Tuesday night.
Jess: Hug and one free taco.
Arianne: Hug and whatever I can think of when I see you next.
Beth: Same
Princess Angele: Same
Gabrielle: Hug and a hannukah present.
Nov. 18th, 2005 @ 10:36 am
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| » "Snow? Does that mean it's officially w..." Dave: "NO! DON'T SAY IT!" |
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Don't say it!
The w-word.
The worst season of the year except for tackling people in the snow, hehe.
It was interesting to see the white glow as I left the dorms this morning. I kinda like the brightness, but please no blizzards!
Apparently Hamburg (15 min away) got 18 inches last night!
The bitter cold woke me up like Krista's snoring! jk!
Here is a list of things I hate about winter:
1. Cold and windy cold.
2. De-icing the car.
3. Cold and windy cold.
4. Don't even consider the Skyway an option!
5. Shoveling.
6. Slippin and slidin to class.
7. Shoveling.
8. Parking in the lot.
9. Sleet sucks ass.
10. It is harder to get out to Mighty Taco.
11. Krista isn't here so I can wrestle her in the snow.
12. Lake effect snow means it falls every day!
13. Isolation!
14. At least 2 minutes more to get to Mighty Taco!
15. Cold and windy cold.
Here is one positive:
1. With effort, I can still get to Mighty Taco!
OK, here is a fun activity. Everyone add to my list with at least one good and bad thing about winter, let's see what we can make. Do it now! Everyone who does it will get a prize! Guaranteed!
Nov. 17th, 2005 @ 05:48 pm
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| » As the Goatee Grows Thicker... |
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I love it! Everyone loves it (except Krista)! It's something new and I think it's working, this goatee is really cool. I will have pictures by this weekend of me and my DYC pals, should be awesome-nation. I can't even believe I decided tonight to go out to get Mighty Taco, because the weather conditions were HORRIBLE. The 50 mph winds, the rain, the thunder/lightning, and Jess and I still went. lol, you can't stop a taco craving. When Jess and I got back, the rain had turned to sleet, and when I opened my car door, the door swung right out of my hand into the car next over. ugh, not to mention the sleet was HEAVY and gusting right into the car and into my face. Jess knows pretty well how hard it was to walk that 100 feet from the car to inside the dorms. The sleet turned to small hail, and that was dangerous, it actually hurt pretty bad, both of us almost got knocked over by the wind too. It was pretty interesting, I love Buffalo. At least my tacos were good, I can always rely on Mighty Taco for medium quality cooking. lol. Huge, HUGE Lab test in Anatomy tomorrow which will make or break me. I have studied since 2:30 and will keep studying until about 10 PM.
A few countdowns for you guys to keep track of:
3 Days until Krista's 21st BDay
6 Days until I come home
8 Days until Thanksgiving
10 Days until I see Gabrielle
18 Days until my 19th BDay
31 Days until I am home for Christmas Break
The goatee is coming off next wednesday, but will be coming back when I get back to school in January, so don't worry people!
Adam - Be strong, you can do it, you will be OK. It is time.
Nov. 16th, 2005 @ 07:07 pm
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| » Funny hard rock stuff baby |
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Emma: Michele's gotta grow some balls! You gotta say something to Kevin.
Michele: No, I don't.
Me: Wait, wait. Does this mean that every woman with courage has balls? I don't ever want to date a girl with courage!
That kind of night.
Psych test tomorrow, big grade needed.
Anatomy Test wednesday: Need a big grade!
Lab test thursday: Big grade needed.
Pressure Packed week.
7 Days!
I have got Doritos. Come and get them people...
lol
Don't you miss me?
I require you to state it here. Say it. You know you want to. I will respond to all of you with a nice comment. lol
Nov. 14th, 2005 @ 09:12 pm
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| » I'm Just _______, Thanks! |
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There's a pain that sleeps inside
it sleeps with just one eye
and awakens the moment that you're near
though I try to look away
the pain it still remains
only leaving when you're next to me
Do you know that everytime you're near
everybody else seems far away
so can you come and make them disappear
make them disappear and we can stay
So I stand and look around
distracted by the sounds
of everyone and everything I see
and I search through every face
without a single trace of the person
the person that I need
Do you know that everytime you're near
everybody else seems far away
so can you come and make them disappear
make them disappear and we can stay
Can you make them disappear?
make them disappear
There's a pain that sleeps inside
it sleeps with just one eye
and awakens the moment that you're near
and I search through every face
without a single trace of the person
the person that I need
Do you know that everytime you're near
everybody else seems far away
so can you come and make them disappear
make them disappear and we can stay
I don't know. I don't. To be honest I still feel pretty empty. I know I have gotten better, maybe I just need to be in her arms to fully get back to normal.
There is a lot to talk about.
1. Second Semester
Friday I met with my academic advisor about next semester's classes and my path for the next few years as well. I am staying in the Physical Therapy program, and with programs at the NHCTC's, I will BE HOME during the summer! My classes this coming semester total 16 credits again, and here they are.
Monday Wednesday and Friday
BIO108 Anatomy 2 (DuBois) 9-9:50
ENG112 English Communications 2 10-10:50
PSY101 General Psychology 11-11:50
Tuesday Thursday
HS101 Intro to Healthcare 9-9:50
MAT122 Algebra and Trig (easy way out lol) 11-12:15
Tuesday only
BIO108L Anatomy 2 Lab 2-4:50
Online Courses
HS203INT Medical Terminology
2. Thanksgiving
I am coming home on Tuesday, and should be in around 7 PM! I will be staying until Sunday morning. My Aunt Cindy, Uncle Bruce, Cousins Sam and Sarah, Grandma Ellie and Grandpa Joe, Grandma Sandy and Grandpa Julie, and my parents friends Diane and Ken with their son Jake will join Mom Dad Lee and I on thanksgiving! Wow. A lot of hugs coming! But none more important than from the one I get from Krista! Also I will be seeing Gabrielle for the first time since early August too. That should be cool too. She went to see Guster tonight, grrr...
3. Well, Today
I went to PA to see Lee. This time I brought my friend Adam with me to help me out with the ride, and to have some fun. We went bowling and all three of us bowled really well. Adam, Lee and I won a game each, and our total series for 3 games were Adam 486 (162 avg.), Me 480 (160 avg.), and Lee 450 (150 avg.). It was amazing, no one sucked, and all three of us had at least 2 games of 155+. We had awesome chinese food as well before Adam and I had to go drive back. I must say Adam did a good job driving my car too. Oh yeah, and a pic was taken...
Warning...
I don't like it...
Nov. 12th, 2005 @ 07:45 pm
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| » Wow it rains and thunders, I love Buffalo! |
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I should have known better with a girl like you,
That I would love everything that you do,
And I do, hey hey, and I do.
Whoa, whoa, I never realized what a kiss could be,
This could only happen to me,
Can’t you see, can’t you see?
That when I tell you that I love you, oh,
You’re gonna say you love me too, oh,
And when I ask you to be mine,
You’re gonna say you love me too.
So, oh, I should have realized a lot of things before,
If this is love you've got to give me more,
Give me more, hey hey, give me more.
Whoa, whoa, I mever realised what a kiss could be,
This could only happen to me,
Can’t you see, can’t you see?
That when I tell you that I love you, oh,
You’re gonna say you love me too, oh
And when I ask you to be mine,
You’re gonna say you love me too.
You love me too,
You love me too.
I am not gonna lie, it is fucking miserable in Buffalo today. The downpours, the wind, the cold, the thunder, its not really that appealing. I know there are a lot of questions concerning Krista and I, and I can answer them to the best of my knowledge if you have any. I am not coming out with anything, you have to ask. I set up an appointment for Friday with my Academic Advisor concerning my second semester courses. There might be a change in major too, sounds interesting, but I don't know if I want to do the 6 years and the summer stuff. There is so much committment that needs to be there and I can already tell with one semester that it is not going to be easy. The major I might change into is Psychology. Same here, if you have any questions, ask. I will be home in 12 or 13 days, I don't know if I can leave Tuesday yet. It will definitely be nice to be home, and see all my relatives. Can't wait.
Nov. 9th, 2005 @ 01:11 pm
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| » Wow, I just hope that it WORKS this time |
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Well, guess who called late last night.
It is very personal, so there won't be much describing of the 3 hour talk we had.
It looks like we are getting back together, she is getting a second chance. There is no third chance, this is it. (Adam: It's do or die time!) I have talked to a lot of people about this, and yeah, I am making the right decision. I really love her, and just like her, I will do anything to keep it going. There is a lot of things that need to be fixed, but we will work on them together. I have to say I feel a lot better now though.
Let's say we are back to square one, and this time, we will do it right.
I hope.
OK, comment.
Nov. 7th, 2005 @ 10:20 am
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| » (No Subject) |
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The days have gotten better, I have smiled a lot. I think I am getting over it. I had a little struggle tonight because I read the comment she left me, then her entries. Not to put the pressure on but a lot of people keep making me think that she cheated on me. I don't know if that is true or not, but I really don't want to know, it would ruin everything.
OK, enough with that, let's talk other things!
This weekend should be fun, at least I think. Friday night I shall be going out to dinner with Jen and Adam at Friday's I think (I haven't eaten there in so long). Saturday night Adam and I are going to Ralph Wilson Stadium to see N.Tonawanda face off in a playoff game, that should be cool. Late Saturday night I am going to have myself a good time, it is about time I let myself loose. Drinking? Yea. Don't worry, this is not going to become a habit. But I am not just gonna crawl into a shell either, definitely if I want to go out.
I will be coming home in only 18 days! It'll be nice to see my Grandparents and my Aunt& Uncle and cousins, and of course, my brother and parents. I can't wait to sleep in my own bed. Right now I have Saturday and Saturday night booked to go down and see Gabrielle in Swampscott (awesome nation). I might stay over because MapQuest says that it is a shorter trip home from there than NH.
Michele sent me a beautiful card today, I really thank her for that. Again, everyone really supports me well, and I never expected this much love and care from everyone. I think knowing Krista and I are going to be friends later on is nice, of course not immediately, but in time. You know what, I can deal. She is right, we should both wait until we are both happy again. I really don't think that is too far away. I can't wait to be healed and start going out and dating new people, it's actually pretty exciting. (I have NEVER just dated before) lol.
Michele and Gabrielle- You two have stepped up so much for me this past week. I am so glad I have the two of you. When I get to see you both again, your hugs will be pretty damn big!
Gabrielle- I know our closeness was fading since the start of college, but I am so glad we are rediscovering how close we really are to eachother. I promise our friendship will never end!
Same with you Michele!
And in time, you too Krista!
It's been a lot better the last few days, let's keep it going...
P.S. - Jess, I don't even know what you think I was saying! I never said I wasn't going to take you to UB tomorrow!
Nov. 3rd, 2005 @ 10:39 pm
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| » (No Subject) |
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I got through the weekend OK.
It was not that easy at all. Almost everywhere I look, everything I do and hear, there is just something that reminds me of her. It's really tough to swallow. I had a better day yesterday, I slept in, was able to watch the Pats-Bills game with a ton of people at my friend's cousin's brand new apartment. People have done a very good job trying to keep my mind off it. It's just that tough though. I just really hope Krista and I can break this silence and talk about it sometime or another, that would help me the most in getting over this and carrying on.
Oct. 31st, 2005 @ 07:35 am
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| » Wow, LJ can really come into use in times like this |
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Yeah, I'm typing long entries again, who would have thunken.
I slept 7 hours last night. I guess that is a real success considering the circumstances. I talked to Michele for more than 3 hours last night, and she did a really good job with getting my mind off of it. I think one of the things I want to do so badly is just talk to her once and sum up everything, I know that will be hard to do, but I can't just sit here and not talk to her ever again. In time I would actually hope we stay friends. That will also be very hard to do. What kind of man am I though to just abandon someone that I loved for so long? Either way, I am feeling pretty down this morning, not much of a shock. I guess I will have to take this one day at a time. I think the toughest thing now is to settle with going home, knowing she is home, and not being able to see her. I need any of my friends to give me as much support as possible, I don't want to be home alone either Thanksgiving or Christmas Break. Please see me, comfort me, make me feel not alone.
It sucks to be alone again.
Oct. 29th, 2005 @ 09:11 am
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| » A Tough Week Ending in a Tough Way |
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6 1/2 months. RIP
This no doubt has been one of the most stressful weeks of my life. Nothing went right. I knew I was losing her. I hung on by a thread those last few days. I felt like we could still do it. Well, the thread broke this evening. I am not mad at Krista for saying she can't do it anymore. I am not mad at her at all. Long distance relationships are really hard, and we went about it the right way. Until this past week, everything was fine. Counting down the days to Thanksgiving, then Christmas Break, a full month home. It just wasn't meant to be. The thing that hurts the most is all the things we promised and said. Krista M. Herbstman, in love always and forever, never give up, we are going to have a great family, naming our kids, choosing pets, where we want to live, our wedding. It's all gone. The dream is over. I will always love Krista, she showed me so many things, what true love was. Where do I go from here? I guess it's down to just taking it one step at a time. I know there is someone out there for me. Will it be Krista in the end? Probably not. Even if she wanted to go back out with me down the road, I don't think I could do it again. You never know though, you never know. Sarah said something about her own situation that makes a lot of sense to me now. Krista was very special, now I need to find someone that is greater than her. I won't settle for anything less. She showed me the way, I do not regret the relationship at all. I will miss it, but life goes on...
you will always be a part of me Krista, for all you've done. Thanks for the memories...
Oct. 28th, 2005 @ 07:43 pm
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drdave2k5's journal